Posted in Caregiver, health, Hope, life, Marriage, men, Time, uncategorized, women

Telling Yourself That You Are Good At Something.

One of the things that many people struggle with allowing themselves to accept to themselves that they are really good at what they do. For some they were raised in an environment that openly saying that they were good at something was not allowed. There are those of course that are so full of themselves they are more than happy to give you in detail how wonderful they are. Actually what they are revealing is how insecure they are! Those are like those kind of people who tell you how wealth they are and how special there lives are going. The fact is those who truly have money don’t broadcast it to the world. Those who struggle with admitting to themselves often are those who really do not have the need to have there fingerprints on kind things they do. In the last few days I have finally admitted to myself that what my roll is currently in my life I am very good at what I do. So don’t hesitate to allow yourself to go there emotionally.

Posted in christmas, depression, faith, God, life, relationships, suffering, suiicide, women

Merry Christmas Not For All!

At this time of year a broad assumption that everyone has a great time at Christmas and that is simply not the case. For many they can’t wait for the holiday season to be over. Ironically one of the most unhappy places is church a place that you would think would be full of joyous people. The fact is we all put on public faces but at Christmas time many take it to a new level and that is truly sad! One of the ways to help deal with this hidden pain is to avoid places that you know the phrase of “Merry Christmas” will be heard alot. There is a reason that there is a spike in the need of counseling services during this time. Having spent more than one christmas alone it sucks. Then you have the painful experience having a loved one who can’t go to church this year for christmas and you feel like this could very well be their last chance while they are still on this earth. My best advice is to hang on as this time will pass.

Posted in christmas, depression, Holiday, Holidays, life, men, women

Holiday Stress Is Your Own Fault!

As Christmas Day approaches and people are feeling so stressed out all they have to do is look in the mirror to find the cause! You have the right to say no to the pressures you feel. Those who love you truly understand and those who don’t you don’t need in your life. In the end what people who truly love you want is best for you and not some gift that they will probably forget about by the first of the year. In this materialistic world we live in there seems to be an emptiness to it all. Your children will thank you years from now for the time you spend with them throughout the years and not some gift at Christmas!

Posted in christmas, depression, Holiday, Holidays, relationships, snow, Time

Hanging Outside Christmas Lights For The Last Time

Hanging up the outside Christmas lights the other day which I know will be the last time there was a rush of memories and sadness. The days of my big display being there for all to see and I that until my wife came out and was quick to inform me of the changes that needed to be made. Those days are over as are many other traditions we have had through the years. Father time has never lost and never will and that is the harsh reality of life. Our neighborhood used to be lit  like a Christmas   tree all up and down the block now there are just a few houses that still hang up some decorations.  To some degree our block is a metaphor to how the culture has changed the last 30 years are so. The bright lights have turned into a series of arguments and squabble over the most trivial of things.  So in a few weeks I will take the lights for the last time and that is when the real sadness will hit!

Posted in life, relationships, Writing

Writers Need To Keep It Simple!

Through the years as I have saw many different kinds of writing and styles one big mistake stands above all other.  For many writers they struggle with this basic concept. Just because you think you need to share all of the ” wisdom” that you have gathered in many ways you are turning off your audience. In many medical situations this basic question comes up. Just because we can should we?  I think that is a question that all writers should always keep in mind. We all have our own style and flow of writing and that is a good thing. Could you imagine a world in which everyone wrote the same way? That sure would get boring real quick! As writers we bring our life’s experiences to what and how or how we perceive things. A life experience that many can relate to is how we were raised. If you listen to my sister we were beaten every day by our father just because he could! Of course that is the furthest thing from the truth!  In reality she got by with more stuff than my brother or I ever did.  So keep in simple and you will be amazed at what a positive response you will get.

Posted in faith, life, pain, suffering, suiicide

The “Other Side” of Sexual Abuse

The bareness of her shoulders  represents the true way that you must deal with sexual abuse. There are no shortcuts but there is place called ” The Other Side”. What is ” The Other Side” anyway? The other side is a place that many in the mental health community don’t want you to know about for there own selfish reasons. To get to the other side is brutal and you will feel like you are going through hell and in many ways you are and that can’t be helped in this process. It took me over 4 years to deal with mine. Now when I look back on it I realize the damage I did to past relationships. When women would get close to those walls that I thought was keeping me safe I would blow things up. There is some bizarre stuff back there and that is where in needs to stay. There are some major regrets.

The other side is a place that allows you to laugh again and enjoy life with a minimum amount of medicine.

For those of you who are dealing with a counselor or psychiatrist  who likes to change medicines like you change socks then you need to find someone else. Any changes that are made should be made in very small doses. Those who like to make big changes you need to be wary of because remember it is your body and mind that deals with the aftermath not them. You have more control of things than what you think. One of the bad things about these ads on television and on the internet give people thinking they have more ” knowledge” that what they actually do. You do have a choice to be a “victim” or not. If you want to play the ” victim” that is your right but please don’t waist everyone’s time. If you want to get to the other side come on over but just remember the journey will be long and winding and there are no quick fixes.

Posted in depression, faith, God, health, life, men, women

That Empty Chair Just Doesn’t show up During the Holidays.

At this time of year it is very common to look at that empty chair of someone that has died in the last year, The thing is that chair became empty the second they took their last breath and in many cases long before that!  The biggest myth is that it gets better over time because it doesn’t plain and simple. If we are honest with ourselves the empty chair is just a symbol of something that is so much more painful and that pain has no chance of going away.  Knowing people who have had to bury their child that is a hell all into itself and anyone who hasn’t doesn’t need to comment period.  So the holidays will come and go  the pain will linger on forever!

Posted in life

Time Is Your Most Prized Thing In Life

As we age  at some point is the realization that the most important thing in your life is your time and how it’s spent. In a culture that has become more and more crass in how we interact with each other the biggest single thing that gets ignored is how we waist others time. Time they will never get back. You see this often in grocery store checkouts lines. The first thing is when you step in line to pay for your items you know in advance that this is a participatory activity.  How many times have we all waited while the person in of us front figures out a way to pay for their items? Then they get chit-chatting with the cashier and in doing so they are taking seconds or minutes of your time that you will never get back! When you tell someone that you are willing to help them what you are really saying is that I am willing to give up my time for you. That is something that should not be taken for granted.  Life events often gives you a new perspective of time and how fleeting it really is and will be gone in a flash!

Posted in faith, God, life, men, Prayer, relationships, Time, women

Perseverance Enough!

In the book of James 1: 2-3 makes it clear that we should embrace facing trials and tribulations. There are times that we have all thought there has been more than enough trials! Of course that is based on out limited thought process. As humans and sinners we face tough times. I know there are those out there that believe that once they become a christian that all of their suffering and pain will stop. In many ways it’s just the opposite because once you process your faith then here comes the attack from Satan. It’s important to remind ourselves that throughout human history death has lost once and will only lose one more time and that is when this party comes to an end for everyone! Until then you will face many trials a tribulations some will be small and some will be huge. In many ways the small ones are so much more dangerous. Those puppys slip up on you when you least expect. In a world that is so sensitive about so much it does make you wonder if the end of times are here. In reality scripture is very clear on that issue. So all you folks out there who claim they know when the end times are coming must live in Colorado because they have been smoking something!thess

Posted in health, life, Marriage, men, women

Run For The Roses Just like Secretariat!

For those of you who are not horse racing fans the name Secretariat  means nothing.  He is the Babe Ruth of horsing racing. He did things on the race track that nobody had seen before or since. When he died at the age of 19 the mystery to his source of great power became evident quickly.  His heart was almost twice the average size, and a third larger than any equine heart  ever seen. And it wasn’t pathologically enlarged. … it was  learned that Secretariat had an unusually large heart – estimated at 22 pounds, while the average thoroughbred heart is 8.5 pounds.  That being the case this wonder of life had almost a childlike demeanor around crowds. It may have been a case that he knew that at any point he was gone in a flash.  I suspect however he just love to run towards something. In on of the great ironies of american horse racing is that he wasn’t very good a stud and produced very few champions. 


The key point is this question. Are you running towards something or away from something. There is little doubt as humans we  are probably doing one or the other. It’s often very scary to run towards something and not understand why.  The human inclination is to run away from something they don’t understand. We all face these fears and they are understandable however Secretariat ran towards the roses. How about you? 

Posted in health, life, men, relationships, Time, uncategorized, women

How Are You? The Truth Please!

As we go through life there are certain questions that enter our daily lives and at the top of that list is this one. ” How are you doing?” It’s a pleasantly especially in the southern part of the United States is common place.  The truth of the matter is that most people truly don’t care one way or another about how you are doing. Then there is a a small percentage of people that are concerned about how your life is going. For those of us who are like that it gets really frustrating especially in an era in which everyone seems to be so sensitive about any human contact in anyway.