Marriage What It Is and Isn’t

Guys I hate to be the one to break the bad news but marriage is not about sex. I know some of the younger guys out there think that you will have sex as much and often as you please.  I want to be perfectly clear on this issue. You will get to use your little toy when your wife says its ok. Not before or after. She is in control and if in anyway you abuse her wishes she needs to report you to the authorities.  The truth is you will use your little toy for its other purpose far more than you will get to use it the way you prefer. Trust me as you age that becomes more and more the case.

So what is marriage all about anyway. A friend of mine years ago who had been married for over 50 years told me that after the first 6 months it is hard work. He was so right. If you don’t do the work then it will blow up so fast you will not know what hit you. Forget that “soulmate stuff”. That is garbage. So what does she need?

The thing is that she knows that you always have her back especially in public. You may think she has gone crazy with what she said or did but the time to discuss that is when you two are alone and not in front of the children. You never want her to feel like she is not the most important person in the world to you. My wife knows that no matter what I am doing if she walks up to me and says she needs to talk then whatever I am doing comes to a complete stop. Period!  What else could I be doing than is more important than her? She needs to feel safe at all times. You don’t need to give her a hard time about her “honey do” list. That thing will never end so just deal with it. I once heard a pastor say the following ” as a married man if you are someplace and your wife walks in and you cannot explain to her why you are there then you have no business being there” If my wants to come hang out with me that’s fine. Why would I not want her around I have nothing to hide?

Now ladies the one thing your husband needs to know is that you are proud of him and never make him feel like what he contributes is not important. He is being sent all of these mixed messages by society and sometimes he struggles with that. That however does not give you the right to put him down in any way.  He made a commitment to you and you need to make sure he knows that you have his back.

Now when it comes to that part about death do us part in many ways is the greatest challenge for both of you. Both of you will see the other in the best of times and the worst of times. You will grow closer during the tough times.When things are good being married is a rush. When things are tough that is when your marriage will be tested like never before and in the end keep in mind that when you two lay your head of the pillow at night the rest of the world doesn’t have to live with the choices you made you do.

The biggest key to marriage is simple: You simply have to laugh about things.  Laughter will cure a lot of ills.

For those of you who run from a marriage the first chance you get the only people that are getting hurt are you and any children that may be involved. Divorce has become to easy and that is a shame. You wonder how people stay married a long time? They simply know that giving up is not an option.

As a footnote. If you are involved in an abusive relationship get out.

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