Asking a question very often can lead to confusion and uncertainty of how the person receiving the question will receive it. As we age and face what can be extremely difficult situations many people are afraid to ask a question that may be considered obtrusive. The only way you will ever know is to ask and let the person receiving the question decide how they want to handle it. By not asking the question you may be doing both of you a disservice. There are times that just a simple dialog is all the receiving person needs. Then there are times that asking a question can be harmful. The night I lost my dad after I called the time of his death a young nurse came behind me and asked if I needed help taking off my gown. Needless to say my reaction was not real pleasant. My dad had not been dead 3 minutes. Later that evening when signing all the necessary paperwork the young nurse came up and apologized. The thing is that nurse will never do that again. So it’s ok to ask questions because you will never know unless you ask.
As our parents age there is this concept with many adult children that they have the right to know everything about their parents health. Except in certain situations that require special needs then adult children need to shut up! Just because your parents reach a certain age that doesn’t mean they have to share all of their medical information with you! If THEY choose to then than is fine. If not it’s none of your business. These same adult children who want to know so much about their parents health withhold information about their health all the time.
They also have the right to say they are done fighting the fight and shouldn’t be bullied by adult children to keep on fighting. It’s their life and not yours! Your role as an adult child is to support their decision about their life. Keep in mind if it wasn’t for them you wouldn’t be here in the first place!
Caregivers come in many shapes,sizes and colors. The can be young,old,single or married. For many they have this vision of an aging parent being taken care of by their adult children. In many cases that is true but for some it is totally different. Being a caregiver makes you challenge yourself in ways you never expected were possible. There is this lingering doubt internally about if you are doing it right? There are no absolute rules about what is right and wrong for your situation. So the question comes down to what you are comfortable with inside of you. To the outside world they blow in and out with their options and leave. Those are people who I like to refer to as “noise makers”. They like to make noise but they really are of no help. Caregivers are angels in so many ways and yet they get so caught up in caring for their loved one they forget about themselves. There is this constant battle within themselves that often results in this question of if they do something for themselves they feel guilty. Caregivers are angels in so many ways and the sad part is they don’t realize it. So if you know a caregiver give them some encouragement for in many ways they like their loved one feel so alone.