Asking a question very often can lead to confusion and uncertainty of how the person receiving the question will receive it. As we age and face what can be extremely difficult situations many people are afraid to ask a question that may be considered obtrusive. The only way you will ever know is to ask and let the person receiving the question decide how they want to handle it. By not asking the question you may be doing both of you a disservice. There are times that just a simple dialog is all the receiving person needs. Then there are times that asking a question can be harmful. The night I lost my dad after I called the time of his death a young nurse came behind me and asked if I needed help taking off my gown. Needless to say my reaction was not real pleasant. My dad had not been dead 3 minutes. Later that evening when signing all the necessary paperwork the young nurse came up and apologized. The thing is that nurse will never do that again. So it’s ok to ask questions because you will never know unless you ask.
As our parents age there is this concept with many adult children that they have the right to know everything about their parents health. Except in certain situations that require special needs then adult children need to shut up! Just because your parents reach a certain age that doesn’t mean they have to share all of their medical information with you! If THEY choose to then than is fine. If not it’s none of your business. These same adult children who want to know so much about their parents health withhold information about their health all the time.
They also have the right to say they are done fighting the fight and shouldn’t be bullied by adult children to keep on fighting. It’s their life and not yours! Your role as an adult child is to support their decision about their life. Keep in mind if it wasn’t for them you wouldn’t be here in the first place!
Caregivers are those people who due everything they can within their power to give the best quality of life they can for those they love. I had a cardiac surgeon say to me one day ” your life will change in ways you will never expect”. He was so very right and yet you keep fighting the fight day in and day out. When someone needs a caregiver the caregiver has to face one fact. That all those people who say they will help won’t. It’s like a funeral. When someone dies you get many people say they will always be there for you. Then over the next several weeks they fade away. The reason? In most cases it’s called life. For many caregivers it’s a task that they are not able to handle. Not for lack of trying but the lack of knowledge. As I have said many times “there is no manual for this stuff”. Being a caregiver many times is a solo activity. You can throw every treatment know to mankind to try and help your loved one but in the end the truth is death wins. Caregivers often they win the battle but lose the war. The question is how soon will that war win?